Goodbyes

I have said good byes before, to people really close to my heart. I knew I would see them again, I knew I would be in touch with them, I knew I would get on with my life just fine in a few days. But the thought of a goodbye itself, makes the whole moment so filled with sadness and grief. But I have said many of those goodbyes. So naturally, I felt this particular goodbye would be the same too......I would be a little sad, that's all.

But it wasn't the same. Then I realised the difference between him and the entire world. Of course, he was special, I knew that....but the extent of grief that was overwhelming me was something I had never experienced before. It exceeded any grief I had felt before while saying goodbye......I felt a part of me going away.....

I knew this moment was coming from a long time. I was the one who had decided to come home to my parents to have my baby. I was the one who chose to be pampered at home and leave him for a whole five months, all alone. I had made this choice. He wanted me to stay for another month atleast......but I got selfish and decided that I needed a lotttt of rest, so came home running to mommy dearest.

Why didn't I think of how difficult it would be to be away from him?? Why didn't I think of the pain I would go through after seeing him go? Why didn't I think of the endless hours I would spend just thinking of him and whether he was well? Why didn't I realise that he has become an inseparable part of my life.....how did I ever think I would manage without being with him for so many months.........every moment, everyday seems to go on for ever.....but I had made this choice.....so I shall carry on ....waiting...for my baby to come into this world....and then rejoin my jaan that I have left back home.